


we can feel so far from so close

by therestisconfetti



Category: Booksmart (2019)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-04-05 21:44:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19049032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therestisconfetti/pseuds/therestisconfetti
Summary: three times Hope notices Amy and the one time Amy notices Hope





	we can feel so far from so close

**Author's Note:**

> this is a PSA everyone please go see booksmart it's SO good i will not shut up about it ever probably

**i.**

Hope has decided so far that high school sucks.

Sure, it’s only the second week, and sure, Hope hasn’t really talked to more than three people yet, but it still sucks.

She’s opted for being more of a loner already, deciding to sit in a corner and read whatever novel she’s got her nose stuffed in rather than attempt to befriend people who are clearly way too eager to make friends.

That’s fine. She has like, maybe two friends so far. That’s enough for her at the moment. Some older jock attempted to hit on her in the first week and Hope just stared at him with a blank expression until he walked away so, she thinks she’s doing well so far.

She’s sitting at one of the further tables outside for lunch, hidden by a nearby tree. She’s got one leg folded up under her chin and a book in her hands - an ideal way to spend her forty-five minutes of lunch. For a moment, she takes a break from reading to examine the scene around her. 

There are so many unfamiliar faces in the crowd, but Hope’s already been able to figure out a few.

There’s Annabelle, who flirts with just about every boy she comes across. Hope rolls her eyes as she watches the girl twist a strand of her hair while talking to some upperclassmen.

Not too far from her is Gigi, who is the very definition of  _ extra. _ She also might be a little crazy based on what Hope’s seen from her. She’s had two conversation with Gigi so far - both times in the bathroom, neither invited - and that girl has to be on something wild.

Next to Gigi is Jared, who is wearing a polo with a popped collar as if this was the early 2000s. Hope scoffs at him.

Her eyes continue to wander across the quad, taking in all these people she’s stuck with for the next four years.

She pauses on a pair of girls far off to the corner, somewhat separated from everyone else. Hope recognizes the short brunette right away - she has History class with her and it took Hope about three seconds to realize she’s definitely going to be a teacher’s pet. Definitely not the type of person Hope aligns herself with.

But it’s the redhead girl next to her that makes Hope’s gaze linger. Hope doesn’t recognize this girl at all, another face she hasn’t been acquainted with yet. She studies the girl carefully - her delicate features, hazel eyes, the gentle smile on her lips. For some reason, Hope can’t seem to look away just yet. Suddenly, she’s very interested in whoever this girl is.

The girl’s eyes light up at whatever her friend just said, and the way her head falls back in laughter mesmerizes Hope. 

It takes a moment, but Hope quickly snaps herself out of it.

_ Idiot, _ Hope thinks to herself with a scowl.

She’s quickly ducking her head back into her book, but none of the words process in her mind. Instead, she’s scolding herself for ogling at the first pretty girl she sees. 

And it’s not like...you know...she’s totally  _ gay. _ Guys are hot, too. It’s just - well, Hope’s still figuring it out if she’s being honest.

She lets out a huff, glaring at the pages in her book until her eyes finally focus enough for her to read again.

(Hope does, however, spare a few more glances at the readhead, watching the way her eyes light up or the way her cheeks flush at the comments her friend makes.

It’s just purely admiration, something about the way the girl is beautiful without even trying, that makes Hope continue to sneak glances until the bell rings.)

 

//

 

**ii.**

Hope learns the redhead’s name is Amy.

She learns this in the middle of their sophomore year because there are whispers of a girl named Amy who has allegedly come out of the closet. 

They’re in the middle of a group project for English class when Theo brings it up out of seemingly nowhere.

“Hey, you know Amy’s gay?” he asks his surrounding classmates, his eyes wide.

Gigi tilts her eyes for a moment before she gapes. “What? No way.”

“Who’s Amy?” Tanner asks with a frown.

“That girl,” Theo says as if that should explain everything.

Hope resists the urge to roll her eyes. Instead, she fixes Theo with an expectant expression.

It takes a moment - as it often does with Theo - before he realizes he needs more details than “that girl” for everyone to catch up.

“The redhead,” he explains. “The one that’s friends with Molly, our class president who keeps trying to make more rules.”

Realization hits everyone - including Hope - and there’s a chorus of “oohs” among the group.

And really, it shouldn’t even  _ matter _ if she’s gay. Hope’s not, like, out or anything, and she figures she doesn’t need to be. Coming out means labeling herself and she doesn’t quite know if she’s bisexual or lesbian and honestly, even if she did, people would be annoying about it either way. Yet it somehow does matter, a least a little, because there’s a tiny jolt in Hope’s chest when she pieces together that the redhead she first noticed in the quad and this Amy who’s come out is the same person.

Hope stops herself from scoffing aloud at herself. Emotions are  _ gross _ and she’d really prefer not to have any.

So yeah, this Amy coming out doesn’t matter at all to her.

“So what if she came out?” she suddenly says, breaking the speculation Gigi began moments ago about whether or not Amy’s into Molly.

The group turns to look at her for a moment, heads tilted like they forgot Hope even speaks in situations like this.

It’s Tanner who breaks the silence.

“Uh, there’s...I don’t know,” he stutters, clearly uncomfortable with the cold look he’s receiving from Hope. “It’s just the talk of the school right now, I guess.”

Hope shrugs, shifting in her seat. “There’s not much to talk about,” she points out. “She’s gay, so what?”

Everyone seems to be at a loss for words, unable to come up with a reasonable response. Well, everyone except Gigi, who has now turned to harassing Jared from across the room for her “special box” - whatever that is.

The teacher is quickly calling their attention back to the front, and everyone is all too eager to pay attention now. Hope rolls her eyes this time at them, shaking her head.

(She hates how she thinks about Amy and the fact she’s out now for the remainder of the period.

Because seriously, it _ doesn’t matter. _ )

Hope is shutting her locker when she sees Amy on the opposite end of the hallway, for once alone and without the ever-present Molly by her side. Amy’s grip on the straps of her backpack is tighter than normal, and her gaze stays mainly towards the ground. Her shoulders are slouched within herself and on the rare occasion she does look up; her features are full of apprehension.

The scene makes Hope’s lips twitch downward. For a split second, she considers giving Amy a nod of acknowledgement when the girl dares to look back up, something to assure her that nothing’s changed. So she’s gay, who cares? Life moves on.

But then Hope almost scoffs out loud at herself for the idea. Amy doesn’t even know who she is at all - if anything, the poor girl would probably be even more apprehensive. She readjusts the strap of her backpack on her shoulder and walks away, sparing Amy only one last glance.

(She ignores the voice in the back of her head the rest of the day that tells her she should’ve done something.

Amy’s a big girl, she reasons to herself. A whole 15-probably-almost-16 years old. She can take care of herself. It’s not Hope’s responsibility to help her.

And plus, what does it matter to Hope anyway?)

//

 

**iii.**

Hope somewhat regrets her decision to go to prom.

Okay, not  _ really. _ She knows this is one of those “once in a lifetime” moments people always talk about - mainly her parents. She wasn’t planning to go with a date at all, but Tanner talked her into taking one of his teammates that got dumped two months before, and the guy was paying for everything, so Hope obliged.

But her date ran off somewhere with his teammates doing something probably stupid, and Hope is now alone.

So she’s sitting at a table by herself watching everyone else have fun while they’re half buzzed and really, Hope is contemplating dipping out for a smoke and maybe figuring out where the hell the after party is.

She looks up from her phone and her lips part in the slightest of ways when her eyes fall on the newcomer to the punch bowl.

It’s none other than Amy, and she looks absolutely stunning.

Hope unashamedly looks the redhead up and down, unable to tear her eyes away. She notices that Amy is alone, probably fetching drinks for herself and Molly, who Hope has decided to name Amy’s wife over the years. She wonders if Amy has a date, or if she decided to go with her wife. She also considers getting up and walking over there and teasing Amy, like she’s managed to do time and time again over the past couple of years.

It’s not like she hates Amy; it’s just - well, Hope isn’t the best at flirting and being mean has always been a go-to mechanism for her.

She’s about to push herself out of her chair when she watches Amy spin around and almost run into someone. Hope pauses, watching as hands come up to steady Amy and save her two drinks from spilling over. She immediately recognizes the other person as Ryan, dressed in a nice polo for prom.

It hardly takes a second for Hope to pick up on the look on Amy’s face once she realizes who she’s run into. The girl’s cheeks flush a deep red, barley hidden by the lighting of the room. Although Hope can’t hear them from here, she can tell Amy is a stuttering, gay mess who can’t quite meet Ryan’s eyes.

Hope stays put, deciding it’s better for her not to get up at all.

Ryan, for her part, laughs off Amy’s worries and clumsiness and flashes her a smile. Hope watches as Amy bites her lip in adoration before Ryan is moving around her and off to wherever she’d originally been headed.

Amy stays still for a moment possibly registering what just happened before practically running off to Molly. The two are yelling over each other in excitement and Hope leans back in her chair, taking a sip of her own drink.

Her date comes back some time later, but Hope can’t keep herself from looking at Amy.

She watches Amy look longingly at Ryan the whole night, a lovesick puppy with no courage to make a move.

(Hope’s stomach twists in a cruel way. Something about it all feels off for her - watching Amy who watches Ryan.

She doesn’t try to dive deeper into that emotion though. Instead, she follows her date to the after party and hooks up with him before going home feeling nothing but drunk.)

 

//

 

**iv.**

Hope is 90 percent sure that she locked the bathroom door before dropping herself on top of the toilet for a quiet smoke.

She is suddenly less sure when a wet, upset Amy bursts through the door and leans against the bathroom sink.

Did Hope lock herself in here because she couldn’t take any more of Amy following Ryan around like a lovesick puppy?

Maybe.

Did she also do this because out of all the place Amy would be on the night before graduation, it’s  _ here? _

Potentially.

So really, Amy bursting in out of nowhere when all Hope wanted was a moment of peace to herself away from everyone isn’t what she’d expected. It shouldn’t be surprising to anyone - especially Amy - that Hope’s automatic response to anything and everything happening in the moment is harsh words and her usual attitude of not caring.

Hope tells herself that she’s only egging this all on because she’s finally,  _ finally _ getting a reaction out of Amy. Whether it’s something the girl had to drink or if she’s just plain had enough, Hope is here to gaslight whatever is spurring her on.

“You’re like, Molly’s little sidekick bitch,” she tells the redhead, looking her up and down menacingly.

“Well you’re just a basic hot girl who’s going to peak in high school.”

Hope isn’t sure what shocks her more - the comment, the way Amy boldly steps forward, or the fact Amy just called her  _ hot. _

For once in her life, Hope has no snarky or malicious comeback. She is left speechless, unable to tear her gaze from the girl in front of her. Amy looks at her so intently that it dawns on Hope that this might be the first time in four years that Amy’s  _ really _ noticed her, more than a classmate or a girl she knows to be mean. Amy is looking at her with so much fire behind her eyes it makes Hope’s stomach form knots - she’s just not sure if they’re good or bad.

(It’s only in this moment that Hope realizes that Amy’s what she’s wanted all along.

Amy and her stupid smile and her kind heart and those dumb, pouty lips.)

What Amy does next is even more surprising, something Hope can be confident she never saw coming - especially not from Amy. The redhead takes a step forward and leans up just enough to capture Hope’s lips against hers. The brooding brunette hardly has any time to react because Amy pulls away just as quickly as she’s leaned forward.

She processes for a moment, almost reaching up to touch her lips where Amy’s had just been. When she looks down at Amy, she finds the girl’s eyebrows etched together in either frustration or confusion - Hope can’t tell which - and it’s clear that it’s Hope’s next move.

It’s then that she lets out a chuckle, one of those “I can’t believe this is happening” chuckles. The slight turn of her lips at the end is enough for Amy to know that she hadn’t made the wrong move, and she’s quickly capturing Hope’s lips against her own again, this time with more fervor.

Hope lets herself breathe finally, lets herself be consumed by Amy and her lips and everything about her.

(And they don’t have sex - because Amy throws up on her and it leads to a panic - but Hope goes home that night thinking about the redhead and her gentle touch and the way she’s had Hope hooked from the start.

Stupid Amy.)


End file.
